Everything about Mark Zuckerberg is pure hacker. Hackers don’t take realities of the world for granted; they seek to break and rebuild what they don’t like. They seek to outsmart the world.
~ Sarah Lacy.
Sometimes I need to talk to someone about some things, and sometimes the conversation and rapport part doesn’t work out. The words come out, but the connection does not, and both sides walk away feeling like something was missed. It took me years of awkward moments to realize that good conversation is not a talent, it is a set of habits. Here are the things I’ve learned on how to have a good conversation with anyone.
1. 📵 Don’t Multitask. Be Present.
If you’re the one talking, would you be happy if the listener is doing many things and doesn’t care? So be present and active. Your phone in your pocket, not on the table, and your attention on the person, not on what you are going to say next.
2. 🚫 Don’t Pontificate
Don’t just butt in when someone is speaking their mind. It’s considered rude to cut someone who is talking, I think it’s the same for every culture. A conversation is not a debate you need to win; it is a shared space, and claiming it with opinions nobody asked for is how that space gets empty.
3. ❓ Use Open-Ended Questions
Go with questions that will create a discussion, not questions a single word could answer. “How did that feel?” opens a door; “Did it go well?” opens a checkbox. People open up when you hand them a stage instead of a multiple choice test.
4. 🌊 Go with the Flow
Follow the flow of the dialogue, and if you don’t like the subject of the discussion you can always say what you have in mind. Conversations have a current, and fighting it makes everyone tired. Sometimes the best detour is the whole point.
5. 🙏 If You Don’t Know, Say That You Don’t Know
Don’t be the all-knowing guy. Nobody likes the person who pretends to know everything. Just say you don’t know if you really don’t know, and say no to smarty-pants. Honest ignorance is endearing; fake expertise is exhausting.
6. 🌍 Don’t Equate Your Experience with Theirs
Experience varies from person to person. It has different levels of emotions involved, don’t try. When someone tells you about losing their job, “I lost mine once too” is not comfort, it is a redirect. Let their story be theirs.
7. 🔁 Try Not to Repeat Yourself
Speak clearly and with proper tone so the listener will know the intention. If you have made the point, stop making it. Repetition is how you signal that you are not actually listening, you are just waiting for your turn.
8. 👂 Listen
Always listen, a great listener can be the most reliable person. The best conversationalists I know barely talk half the time, and people leave those conversations feeling like they just met a genius, because they were actually heard.
9. ✂️ Be Brief
Get to the point and don’t confuse the listener about what you want to say. A short, clear sentence lands harder than a ten minute monologue, every single time.
🧠 Final Thoughts
That’s all the things I’ve learned from having conversations with different people from every walk of life. None of it is complicated, and all of it is practice: put the phone down, ask better questions, listen like it matters, because it does.
The next time you are in a conversation that is not working, run through the list and fix the one habit that is slipping. Small changes, repeated, are how rapport gets built. Hope you guys enjoyed this article and as always live life!