We can all fight against loneliness by engaging in random acts of kindness.
~ Gail Honeyman.
Hello guys, in life no one lives alone, and no one can live alone. We are pack animals with a wifi signal, and every meaningful thing we build, a career, a business, a family, starts with one person deciding they like another person. In this TIL (Today I Learned) we will discuss the things I’ve learned when trying to socialize with other people, building rapport and connections.
🤝 The Ten Techniques
1. ⏱️ Establish Artificial Time Constraints
Allow the potential source to feel that there is an end in sight. Nobody wants to sign up for an open-ended conversation with a stranger. Saying “I just need two minutes” removes the fear of being trapped, and people relax the moment they see an exit.
2. 🧘 Remember Non-Verbals
Ensure that both your body language and voice are nonthreatening. Uncrossed arms, a relaxed tone, eye contact without staring: your body talks before your mouth does, and it talks louder.
3. 🐢 Speak Slower
Do not oversell and talk too fast. You lose credibility quickly and appear too strong and threatening. Fast speech reads as nervousness or salesmanship, and both kill rapport. Speed is not urgency; calm is confidence.
4. 💝 Have a Sympathy or Assistance Theme
Human beings want to provide assistance and help. It also appeals to their ego that they may know more than you. Asking for a small favor, or presenting a problem they can help solve, is one of the fastest ways to get someone on your side. People like being the expert.
5. 🎈 Suspend Your Ego
This probably represents the hardest technique but, without a doubt, is the most effective. Do not build yourself up; build someone else up, and you will have strong rapport. The person who leaves a conversation feeling smart will always remember who made them feel that way.
6. ✅ Validate Others
Human beings crave feeling connected and accepted. Validation feeds this need, and few offer it. Be the great validator and have instant, valuable rapport. A simple “that makes sense” or “that must have been hard” is worth more than a hundred compliments about yourself.
7. ❓ Ask “How, When, and Why” Questions
When you want to dig deep and make a connection, asking these questions serves as the safest, most effective way. People will tell you what they are willing to talk about. Open questions hand the other person the wheel of the conversation, and most people want to drive.
8. 🔄 Connect Using Quid Pro Quo
Some people are more guarded than others. Allow them to feel comfortable by sharing a little about yourself if needed. Do not overdo it. A small disclosure signals that the exchange is two way, and guarded people mirror the level of openness they receive.
9. 🎁 Give Gifts (Reciprocal Altruism)
Human beings reciprocate gifts given. Give a gift, either intangible or material, and seek a conversation and rapport in return. It does not have to cost money: an introduction, a useful link, a genuine piece of advice, gifts of attention work the same way.
10. 🧭 Manage Expectations
Avoid feeling and embodying disappointment by ensuring that your methods focus on benefiting the targeted individual, not you. Ultimately, you will win, but your mind-set needs to focus on the other person. The moment rapport building becomes a transaction in your head, it stops working; people can smell the agenda.
🧠 Final Thoughts
Humans will be humans and humans are very dependent creatures. We need each other more than we like to admit, and every one of these techniques is just a way of saying the same thing: make the other person feel safe, valued, and heard.
Pick one technique and practice it this week. Just one. Rapport is not a talent you are born with; it is a muscle that grows with reps. That’s all for it, thanks for reading. Follow me on my social media accounts and also on my podcasts.